Having a daughter and now twelve nieces and nephews, I’ve come to realize that children learn more from what they see than from what they are told.

As a nurse, I’ve witnessed this firsthand—not just with children, but with people of all ages. Some of my clients receive visitors day in and day out, while others rarely have anyone, and some have no one at all. It’s a stark reminder that our parents are our first teachers, shaping us in ways we may not even realize.

Whether consciously or unconsciously, we carry the lessons, biases, and beliefs that we learned from our earliest teachers—our parents, grandparents, and life’s first experiences. These shape how we react, respond, and behave in different situations. Yesterday, a dear friend shared a quote that resonated deeply with me:
“You cannot add days to your life. But, you can add life to your days.”
This simple yet profound message inspired me to reflect on how we pass down values and care within our families.

The Lessons We Pass On

Our children are our future. If they witness us treating our parents with love and respect, there’s a strong chance they will do the same for us one day. However, it also depends on how we raise them and what behaviors we model.

As a former hospice nurse, I often had intimate conversations with patients in their final moments. There was a brief period when they would stare into space, their eyes cloudy and distant. Then, as they “came back,” their eyes would glisten just for a moment. It was during these times that I would ask, “If I were your only child, what one piece of advice would you leave me so I could have a better life than you did?”

Their answers were often simple yet deeply insightful:

• “Be true to yourself.”
• “God could not please everybody at the same time. What makes you think you can?”
• “Don’t forget the people you pass on the way up—they may be the same ones you pass on the way down.”
• “Don’t be too hard on yourself or on others, especially those you love.”

From these conversations, I came to a realization: the easiest problem to solve in life is money. The hardest? Relationships.

It took me time to fully grasp this, but once I did, my life changed. My relationships with family and friends became more meaningful. And, yes, my circle of friends grew smaller—but the depth of those relationships grew stronger.

A Personal Experience of Care

I recently visited my paternal grandmother’s youngest sister, who is now in hospice. I stayed with her overnight, tending to her needs—answering her calls, assisting with hygiene, repositioning her when she was uncomfortable (although she refused most of the time), and simply keeping her company. I even gave her a foot massage, which she said felt good.

As I was leaving, she thanked me. I responded, “Lola, there’s no need to thank me. I learned this from watching my parents care for my maternal grandfather. And I’m sure my parents learned it from their own parents. It’s part of our family’s culture—we come together in times like these to ensure no one is left to handle things alone.”

Finding Balance Between Independence and Care

Here in the USA, independence and individualism are highly encouraged. But we can always strive for balance. Being independent from our parents does not mean leaving them in someone else’s care and forgetting about them.

Granted, for many of us who are working parents, caring for elderly parents at home—along with raising children, let alone children with special needs—may not be practical. Even so, we can still demonstrate love, care, and respect by visiting often, staying involved in their lives, and providing hands-on care when needed, even if they are in a nursing facility.

Let’s focus on adding life to our loved ones’ days. Shall we?

 Coming Up Next

Thank you for reading and reflecting with me today. I invite you to join me again next week for my next blog post: Challenges in Caring for Autistic Children.

As always, may peace, love, and joy be upon you and your loved ones. Until next time, have an amazingly blessed and wonderful week!